By Elia Esparza
On June 8, 2018, a tragedy was reported about the culinary world and global culture losing it’s coolest cat of our generation– Anthony Bourdain had committed suicide by hanging.
For so many of us, it was a shock of mega proportions. Suicide? No! Not, Tony Bourdain. This reality took a few days to sink in and it also brought about a much needed conversation about suicide.
Close friend, actress Rose McGowan said of the often acerbic CNN frontman and best selling chef:
“I know before Anthony died he reached out for help, ad yet he did not take the doctor’s advice. And that has led us here, to this tragedy, to this loss, to this world of hurt.”
Bourdain was in a depression battle, and how many of us can relate to that?
How many of us have ever contemplated ending it all because living one more day was just too painful? What’s so shocking is that he seemed to have a handle on his life. He was never hesitant to talk about his struggles with addiction and more. Yet, something finally was too much for him, and he ended it all in his Strasbourg hotel room while in France working on a new episode of his long running and award winning CNN series, Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown.
For me, it was like “He had it together, way more than most of us, why did he give up and here I am still a pressing on against all odds.” My thoughts were in turmoil, “Do all of us who battle depression and feelings of failure, ever just one day give up?” It terrified me. And, still I manage to wake up each morning and say, “Never. Not me.” But, when Bourdain refused to follow his doctor’s orders and seek help, wasn’t he also thinking the same, “Never. Not me,”?
I think that’s why it’s all so shocking, he gave up. And, that means I and many of us could also just as easily give up. Talk about a frightening and sobering thought. Never. Not me. And, to make sure, I am seeking help, because I happen to be egomaniac enough to know I deserve better and have the skills, experience and education to attain all that life has to offer. But just in case, I am seeking help.
I read a comment about why his loss hurts so badly:
“… Bourdain’s use of the same words you and I know elevated language, made it more than its parts like a Van Gough with paint or Rachmaninov with 88 keys on a keyboard. Bourdain’s was no more about food than Facebook is about friends. Watching his shows was looking in a window on the human condition with cooking and food as merely a conduit.”
As I do for myself, in an effort to come clean about my own daily battles and demons, I write about Anthony Bourdain or any other high profile celebrity like Kate Spade, not because they’re more important human beings than the rest of us. I write to tell you that in the battle of depression and mental illness, we are all equal in deserving of help, treatment and recovery. We are all deserving of happiness and in living a balanced life.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, call 1-800-271-8255
Through Anthony Bourdain’s amazing shows, we all traveled the world with him, as one media outlet reported, “He was an arbiter of the authentic. While he began his professional career slinging steak au poivre, his true calling was as a television host—Bourdain was akin to a sports commentator who was better in the booth than in his playing days on the field—his commentary on cooking was his real culinary curation. He traveled from Astoria to Antarctica in search of the real and the real good food.”
In closing, the Washington Post’s summation says it best: “All of Anthony Bourdain’s legacy comes down to this, the example that he lived through his television shows: People should strive to understand one another’s stories and cultures. And the best way to do that was over a meal.
“If you sit down with people and just say, ‘Hey, what makes you happy? What’s your life like? What do you like to eat?’ More often than not, they will tell you extraordinary things, many of which have nothing to do with food,” he told NPR last October.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, call 1-800-271-8255
If you find yourselves in the same battle of depression like me, join me in seeking help. In memory of Anthony Bourdain and everyone who has given up in despair, life needs us to continue to kick ass and live a more meaningful and purposeful life.
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